I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
