goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
