he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
