I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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