I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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