just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
