My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
