Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
