So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
