i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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