How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
