I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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