I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Randomize
