I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
