first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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