$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
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