Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
