my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
