You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
