spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I need to calm my uterus...
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
