I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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