I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
