I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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