the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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