i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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