So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
And then he peed in my hair
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