yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
