i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize