Just fell off a train. Bad.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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