Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
