He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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