I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
