Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I did not marry a roomba.
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