I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize