My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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