I must be too annoying 4 u.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
