Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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