i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
