You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize