She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
