Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
