I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize
