I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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