Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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