wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
