So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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