Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize