i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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