i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
