Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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