I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
