Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I have fence marks all over my body
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
