last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
