dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
