Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
