corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
