She went from zero to smokin in five shots
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
