I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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