after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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