but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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