she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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