sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
