I met the friendliest cop last night
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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