I bet he comes in French.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
