loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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