He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
