is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
