Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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