I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
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