I need help removing her.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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