im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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