Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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