it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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