she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
