Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
