Buhtt sex?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Someone signed my nipple.
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