My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
