it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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