youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
