my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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