So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Randomize
