you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
