I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
