Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
