420 ftw
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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