I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I believe in your delicious
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Randomize
