so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
