what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
All the doctor said was why
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
