Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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