i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Randomize
