Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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