i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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