fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Randomize