Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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