Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
