Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
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