let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
