We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
how does that bad decision feel?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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