I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I think I am morally bankrupt
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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