Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
