i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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