We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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