Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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