I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
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