After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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