Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize