Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
