I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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