Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
