sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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