Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I am never drinking with the goths again.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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